did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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