Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
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You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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