just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
