she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
