I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
do nipples grow back?
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