My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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