So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
