I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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