just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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