I think my vagina is haunted
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
