A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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