Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize