May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
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How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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