I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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