and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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