hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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