He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
