how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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