i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
