I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
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I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
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Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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