maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
