Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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