i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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