Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
