So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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