OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
