He kissed a someone with a penis
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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