Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
