Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
