I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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