Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
