ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
