So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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