My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He kissed a someone with a penis
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
