Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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