Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
