Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
