Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
