Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize