I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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