Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
