Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
