So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
