Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
