Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
