If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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