I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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