You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
