you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
