you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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