My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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