First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
