can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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