she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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