Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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