Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize