you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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